Peace - Nothing Else Makes Sense and Justice - Nothing Else Matters

Peace - Nothing Else Makes Sense and Justice - Nothing Else Matters
Dilution is NOT the solution to radioactive pollution: THAT is delusion. NO and NO.KNOW.NO! NUKES PLEASE: Drawing light on the Beauty of Diversity ~ Taking every last and first thing literally figurativelly through the eyes of MzDiagnosed Autism Spectrum erroneously viciously forced by lockdown that 70s style to take the Deadly Rx T-Rex thus given the Manic Depressive Bipolar it's a syndrome folks no joke. Seaing everything personally symbolically synchronicitealeafly...and No More Freaking Frack Freaks!!! ∃volv∃ is Lov∃ Spwelled Backwards

Saturday, December 21, 2019

Saturn conjunct Pluto 2020 Vision the Great Awakening Gets Real by Kit Walker

Infinite Genius
revelation of the obvious
Saturn conjunct Pluto: 2020 Vision: the Great Awakening Gets Real
October 12, 2019
by Kit Walker
https://kitwalkermusic.wordpress.com/2019/10/12/saturn-conjunct-pluto-2020-vision-the-great-awakening-gets-real/

Wow.  "What you resist, persists."  - Kit Walker  I am profoundly moved.  Crave this kind of reading.  Spiritual brain, truther and scholar, musician and ... astrologer.  You have an amazing mind and kind heart, Mr. Walker.

Kit's post deserves to be re-read, and shared, even if one is not into astrology.  Next year indeed has this profound astrological, hundreds-years event with Saturn conjunct Pluto becoming exact, or 'culminating'.  Yes humanity needs aught 20/20 vision as painful as it is the only way we can begin to get beyond this insanity, this 'toxic overlay.'  Nice distinction.  Grateful Kit shares with us hope!




Through such a 're-birth' could finally come relinquishment of the hold on us. 


Ellis Taylor, https://ellisctaylor.com/
Ellis Taylor also writes an excellent blog.  He recommended this video, youtuber Osher Astro Finance who shared more on next year's astrology and here are highlights:    https://youtu.be/52oVrSDbwlQ

January 13th :  Pluto * Saturn 22 ~ Capricorn
March 22nd  :  Saturn ~ Aquarius
March 29th   :  Nov 11th : Jupiter * Pluto  ~ Capricorn
May 5th        :  North node ~ Gemini
Dec 17th       :  Saturn ~ reenter Capricorn

Agreed 20/20 is going to be a pivotal year. 

Folks my age get to have a real 'special' second Saturn return this year which (for me) culminates in March, a few months after this Saturn/Pluto conjunction.  (? yikes :)  Thankfully Saturn will be going into Aquarius soon after.  Ah, life in chaos but on the cusp of the age of...Aquarius...

Just before reading Kit's post, found the story of MK Ultra survivor Cisco Wheeler referenced through http://whale.to/b/wheeler.html  Yet another example of the wrought unconscionable that people should never have to suffer.  In the last decade came to suspect I may be another MK Ultra victim (learning about it was a trigger) but realise now that what I went through was extremely mild compared to that.  Thankful for once for my genetics.  May they have blessings and relief.  My sanity was attacked in the guise of 'help' from a young age by the system that ganged up.   But with luck and fortitude, and for the love of my excellent friend J, still alive and kicking.  Recluse as always yes, and grateful to still be alive, it's all good.

Reluctant but compelled to add agreement with many that as things are positioned by said evil para$ite$ (powers that be) so precarious at this point, the U.S. and the world is likely to see some drastic and quite possibly ugly changes very soon.  Too many of the unawake and at least mentally unprepared survivors will likely be in absolute panic in the chaos.  Will 'zombies' of sorts (obnoxious term) suddenly displaced and roaming the streets desperate thieve the simplest of resources?   Hopefully most of us will rise and wise up, look after ourselves and each other how we do after natural disasters.  

Good must ultimately come from a societal purge ...

David Mauriello, paleoentologist and Diamond (in the rough) 'BOOM!' 'just a dab will do ya' with Oppenheimer Ranch Project shares his esteemed research with.  Smart and funny:







milky way, with galactic center, nasa
There are these overarching cosmic possibilities in play, such as a pole shift (CIA suppressed) which we are in the beginnings of.  Suspicious0bserver youtube channel has some excellent videos on this.  (Struggle to wrap my head around his work - mainly just get the gist.)  Our sun's cycles has much to do with (any past, and) this imminent pole shift.  Here a link on this blog to a video of theirs (scientist Ben Davidson)  Another excellent video:  COSMIC DISASTER | CIA: Classified  https://youtu.be/B_zfMyzXqfI 

Magnetic Reversal | Accelerations and Timing, Dec 19, 2019, Suspicious0bservers



There is also in my humble opinion the very real possibility of our binary sun and it's planetary system coming to visit us again through it's thousands-years shared orbit with Earth's sun.  (Nibiru, aka Nemesis, Wormwood, Hercolubus)  (yet more knowledge suppression)   A sillier post on Nibiru on my other blog, https://minimoonbeam.blogspot.com/2019/01/cracked-code.html  My online profiles are both Pandora here, and Adaline there, even Vermont somewhere else, and yes that is me commenting at the end of the post.  Yeah, it's a bad habit, commenting on my own blogs, and comes from testing websites back in the day.  But it's fun.  Living reclusive is innate, choice, compulsion, but is not conducive to having lots of viewers, nor do I promote my blogs much, as half the time I get embarrassed of my writing to be frank, it's very Gemini, keyword 'I think'.  Stigma?  Oh, yeah, and that illness.  I understand. 
e.g.
The Great Year, May 4, 2016, BinaryResearchInst, http://binaryresearchinstitute.com/bri/





Humanity has a lot going on!
Ironic the Sabian Symbol for 23' Capricorn is about war, dual awards for.  (we go to the next degree for the Sabians) reference courtesy The Straight Woo http://straightwoo.com/2016/01/15/sabian-symbols-capricorn-1-15/
PHASE 293 (CAPRICORN 23°): A SOLDIER RECEIVING TWO AWARDS FOR BRAVERY IN COMBAT.

KEYNOTE: The reward offered by society for the fulfillment of individual responsibility.

The fact that “two” awards are emphasized makes us believe that this may refer subtly to the recognition by the community that, whether he succeeded or failed, an individual who discharged his duty nobly under unusual circumstances is entitled to the respect and appreciation of the collectivity he served so well. What is implied here is a constant give-and-take between society and the individual person. Each one should be able to trust the other.

This third symbol of the fifty-ninth five-fold sequence extracts, as it were, a common element from the two preceding scenes. The Keyword here is RECOMPENSE, i.e. a compensation for a well-done performance — a balancing of accounts.

The Sabian Symbols are kind of fun and artwork associated with them can be beautiful, despite how sometimes offensively out-dated they are, the two awards can be seen as symbolic of the two planets, Saturn and Pluto?   The number 23 has it's own meanings


< Mad In America
[{(Yet another psychiatric survivor here battling lifelong anxiety and mental health issues sometimes exacerbated with at first not, then knowing and seeking out more on how dire humanity's situation truly is even beyond the mainstream news lies.  

Having recently found at least a (surprising) layer of relief from that relentless anxiety, am back to finding gratitude, joy in the simplest of things and feeling less fear of the possible ramifications of a coming collapse of this era of humanity.)}]  


May today's Winter Solstice bless us all, and here's cheers wishing huwomanity luck.  Thanks again for your inspiring work, Kit Walker.  Best of luck to you and yours, and to us all.

Monday, December 16, 2019

Fall In a Frozen Forest




Warmth of the Sun's Rays
Hang Massive
https://youtu.be/hMqP4nEBOWk

Fall in a Frozen Forest
Agreed.  Pollution is a horrendous crime against all life and our precious environment must be cared for by each and every one of us.  Why do too many look away with nothing behind their eyes??  Politics has become a social pollution. 

Lately been paying attention to youtuber folks like Ben Davidson of SuspiciousObservers (ignoring his huge ego) and others active in exposing the official corrupt narrative of those *profiting off* of climate change.  (while we still can as social media platforms erode the constitution and bill of rights, escalating dystopian censorship)  Just when you think you've seen it all, and seen through the corruption there is unfortunately more.

From what I can wrap my head around, there are scientists that do not pander to the mainstream narrative.  Their collective research shows that the sun goes through massive cycles that warm and cool the planet, and this is in play with climate change.  The powers that be (U.N.) is skewing the scientific evidence numbers in their reports to blame climate change more on our C02 emissions, instead of the truth which is changes in our sun's cycles is largely the cause.  Pollution and environmental degradation is deadly, that is what they should be focusing on, but they are blaming the wrong reasons for climate change and in the process implying us as the cause.  And.  We are actually likely headed toward a grand solar minimum.  We are also in the beginning throes of a pole shift.  These things happen cyclically, and 12,000 years or so our sun goes nuts on us.

Trying to make sense of it.  Or anything else these days.  Grateful for, ... life.  We are here now for a reason and these are ... amazing ... times.




World Magnetic Model Update 2020.0 - Geomagnetic Excursion Explained
Dec 15, 2019
Magnetic Reversal News


This go-round, or yuga, of humanity/society? - We are infected with para$ite$ that try to keep our minds and lifestyles imprisoned by their money system.  Pollution is a separate but connected issue, that they perpetrate and cover up so they can continue to profit, like a societal cancer.  Now they blame all of us that the climate is changing! Imagine being a child in this day and age.  - When most of us would be happy to have the resources to give up cars and burning oil to heat homes that only lead to poverty, while enriching the few and destroy the environment in the process.

Fukushima case in point.   It continues to bleed into the Earth's One Ocean, on a life-killing rampage.  Not reported on in the lame-stream media.  Politics is mainly theater to distract the masses from the real issues we should be grappling with. 

Leadership is mostly into ponerology in their chase of more money and power to acquire even more money.  We are screwed if it doesn't stop yesterday.  True.  Even while they keep putting the boots to us.  Turning the screws.  Each of us in our own ways can struggle against that tide to be the change we want to see and wake up as much as possible.  Easy for me to say, recluse hiding out under a rock in a frozen forest haven.

As I commented to freefall's blog  recently,
:)
`
:(''
Free, hang in there, ok?  This does suck beyond all recognition.   I imagine it must be much harder to bear for those who are raising children that they care about.  I never had to bear the brainwashing of organized religion, had both parents and they were 'runaways', but I did succumb to the brainwashing of the mental health (evil) industry at too young an age.   (got off the pills finally, struggling to stay off, but after 20 years those evil pills have done their damage...) Inspired by Pam Popper, where was this when I needed it?
 

It's in our DNA to know that life could be so beautiful.  This planet, and even in the throws of 3D (brutal) there could be such beauty among humans if only we could shake the fiat money system and steward the planet.  We have done so before.  This is so painful.

Please remember your soul/spirit is a spark eternal.  Wait, I don't want to push anything on you.  Just hang in there, ok?  Try to find peace and enjoyment as an act of rebellion.  Wait, there I go again.  :)  :) 


"Be the change you want to see."



Atmosphere - Lovely (feat. Nikki Jean) [Official Video]

https://www.highergroundmusic.com/e/atmosphere-77404108773/

Friday, November 22, 2019

Cover-Up of Catastrophe Which Is More Important

Suspicious 0bservers
Cover-Up of Catastrophe | Which Is More Important?



Big Daddy PePe Y'all:
"Ok Mr Ben, I believe you..... Now what in the flippin' world do we do ?"

Suspicious0bservers:
"Survive. This battle is 1/3 luck (volcano, land sinks into ocean, etc.), 1/3 preparation with materials and mental readiness, 1/3 paying attention to the signs... that's our job.
...
We all come from survivors. All of us." 

CLIMATE FORCING: https://youtu.be/rEWoPzaDmOA
CLIMATE FORCING [Short]: https://youtu.be/tul07hx8V8w
PLASMA COSMOLOGY: https://youtu.be/E4pWZGBpWP0
PLASMA COSMOLOGY [Short]: https://youtu.be/G48V-Fmh4uc
COSMIC DISASTER: https://youtu.be/B_zfMyzXqfI

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

No Nukes The Grid Going Down

photo credit
It's cosmic.  Some call it the Reset, others the Event.  Before, now, during and after? occurs our Awakening and Ascension, which of course mean a lot of different things to different folks.  Texts, petroglyphs, stone carvings of ancient cultures worldwide hint secretly within their poetic riddles.  Just come out and say it already.  Cyclical, like a Yuga.  Even with a cosmic blast impending, either by our Sun, pole-shift, asteroids or other Nemeses that would frankly wipe out most of us, all the ugliness of a torture infected culture is so unnecessary.  Yuk.  But life can have so much incredible beauty.

Fukushima anyone? (insert crickets here) is a vicious tip in a sea of icebergs.  Our precious coastlines are littered with (the barbaric crime against life here and the Universe that are) nuclear power (plants) among the deadly toxic and plastic trash.  Increasing seismic activity, anyone? with their criminal increasing of geoengineering 'super' storms, decreasing Ozone layer, protector of life.  All so a very few get sick-rich while the rest of us are slave and victim to their sick-game.  Add hello, the tip of the 'Eddy' Grand Solar Minimum.  Bye-bye food chain and then follow...us.

No Nukes! The Grid Going Down

NO!
nuke plants worldwide
https://www.carbonbrief.org/mapped-the-worlds-nuclear-power-plants














Earth changes.  This aging grid going Down means then nuke plants melting down all at once within hours.  Stupid, stupid nuclear power industry.  We could have been left to create a beautiful caring perma-culture planet regardless of any inevitable 'Reset(s)'.  Much more than this ecosystem would have had a better chance to survive or start again, to regenerate.  Why take the planet's crust down with us, transforming Earth into a Mars?  That damned to hell $uicidal parassss$sssitic infection that is 'politics, power and control' feeding off of this sickness.  They also destroy themselves through their hideous greed.  They have always kept us down, but why destroy (us, and all) this cycle's planetary flora and fauna now, this time, in preparation for a cosmic Event?  Has life on Earth and humanity not regenerated time and time again after these eon-long cyclic cosmic Events, or Resets??  I believe so, and that humanity has been around for millions of years longer that we are told, and perhaps we were allowed to exist in relative peace.  Life now just doesn't make sense.  Here we are now as proof positive Earth has regenerated including the creation of us, this time around...

hummingbird moth, giant phlox
hummingbird moth, giant phlox
Does Earth's current path toward destruction have terrible ramifications for not only our solar system, but for galaxies all around us, and yes, for the Universe itself?!

This beautiful spinning green blue top.  Why burn life on her alive?  Why destroy with chemicals and hatred?  Why the divide and conquer?  Why the endless escalating war and theft of life and liberty?

Grief-stricken?  Yes.  Love however is the strongest thing in the universe...and can not be destroyed.

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Free Leonard Peltier Great Elder Warrior Chief

on FBI Tip Line:  https://msdiagnosed.blogspot.com/p/fbi-tip-line-for-who-this-may-concern.html

Native Chief Elder, Medicine Man of Honor, Respect, your incarceration is a travesty and Miscarriage of Justice.  The Great Spirit IS and will always be a better place because of You, Leonard Peltier. And now going forward is as Always is the time to set you free, because in the last few years, even the FBI admit now they had been wrong in convicting Leonard Peltier then. 


~Sacrifice~Robbie Robertson ^Free Leonard Peltier* Story


~Sacrifice~Robbie Robertson
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TheCrazyeagle7
Published on Aug 31, 2010
youtube snapshot taken 2/15/2019 https://youtu.be/KtYJBJSp110 

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

August 2020 update.  I just learned that Federal prisoners may only receive white letters in white envelopes, and that money orders go to a separate address.  
The address is correct in the image below for letters.
The address for money orders is:  
https://www.bop.gov/inmates/communications.jsp#money
sending money
Federal Bureau of Prisons
Insert Valid Committed Inmate Name
Insert Inmate Eight-Digit Register Number
Post Office Box 474701
Des Moines, Iowa 50947-0001
 

USPS Tracking says this my Open Letter
to You Leonard Peltier was in fact received.


































Tuesday, February 5, 2019

THE True American Eagle

some musical medicine to honor Free Leonard Peltier

The True American Eagle
2019.02.05. Free Leonard Peltier proven by law an innocent falsely accused man, an Elder Chief Wrongly Incarcerated by the U.S. '"Justice"' System for This Man's LifePlease Free Leonard Peltier it is both always and never too late for the U.S. Government to try to make reparations...whenever and wherever they can...with Leonard's case in the lead of a healing time.  It will never be too late.  No matter what.

Lakota Voices - Arlette Loud Hawk: Part 1
https://youtu.be/9JjTsfbaCyY
2/9/2019 youtube video snapshot
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Published on Feb 29, 2008




Lakota Voices - Arlette Loud Hawk: Part 2
2/9/2019 youtube video snapshot
https://youtu.be/0peIDN5OFWQ
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Published on Mar 1, 2008




 

 ========================================








Please visit American Indian Movement to Write to Leonard at: http://www.aimovement.org/peltier/index.html
Yes, this text is Ripped Off:  Copied from this AIM site Tuesday 2/5/2019 so please check their site for their latest information:::::::
Please visit this link and consider Writing to Leonard at:

 "Leonard Peltier
#89637-132
USP Coleman 1
US Penitentary
P.O. Box 1033
Coleman, FL 33521

Leonard can only receive letters, cards, postcards, photos, (not polaroid), and postal money orders
for his commissary account. He responds to all his mail.   

=============================

youtube video snapshot 2/5/2019  (//  no...//):

             Sacrifice -Robbie Robertson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEH1uuBAT90

41,648 views
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Published on Oct 16, 2010



https://youtu.be/bEH1uuBAT90

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


Amnesty International:

Leonard Peltier, an Anishinabe-Lakota Native American who convicted of murder has always maintained his innocence.
Please visit this web page, because this all is more stolen text:
https://www.amnestyusa.org/cases/leonard-peltier/
...//"Today, Mr. Peltier, Leonard is in his early seventies and suffers from diabetes, and was recently diagnosed with an abdominal aortic aneurysm. Amnesty understands that he is not eligible for consideration for parole again until 2024. Given that all available legal remedies have been exhausted and that that Leonard Peltier has now spent over 40 years in prison and is in poor health, Amnesty believes that the US authorities should order Leonard Peltier’s release from prison on humanitarian grounds and in the interests of justice.

Amnesty International has studied his case extensively over many years and remains seriously concerned about the fairness of proceedings leading to his trial and conviction. Amnesty believes that political factors may have influenced the way in which the case was prosecuted."//...

1999 PBS documentary with Robbie Robertson "Making A Noise: A Native American Musical Journey"  youtube search:
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=1999+PBS+documentary+%22
Making+A+Noise%3A+A+Native+American+Musical+Journey%22+

I am Ashamed to be American when I think of
 
this Great Man's body,
but not Spirit Still Incarcerated
I just don't want to be ashamed of the country that is home

His freedom from him Stolen.  Gahd So Wrongfully, Unlawfully this man kept in prison from the beginning of his incarceration too long ago four decades, or more now?...


makes me want to chew on broken glass it's so wrong.  
ok, you know I don't want any one of the three or four hits per day that are perhaps real human web visits and not web bots,,,to chew on any glass, ok?  I am just reacting to this horribly painful situation, symbolic of too many people who are in fact innocent and incarcerated unfairly based on the Crime of RACISM.  But Mr. Peltier is special.  He has always been a unique Great Warrior, a Great Spiritual Warrior Chief.  His medicine was Stolen by a More Corrupt, Ancient even Evil Faction of a system that enslaves All.  So his medicine is even stronger despite the terrible wrongful incarceration.

But Leonard Peltier's medicine is transformed by his exemplary life.  I say this with unfathomable respect for this Man.  He is universally loved deeply.  May his spirit continue to soar above where his body is incarcerated Unlawfully.  He absolutely MUST and Should be Freed.  It would be excellent for the Federal Government that is Incarcerating Him to Grant him what he legally needs to convalesce out of the prison.  Please, I beg of them to let this man go freed.  The American Federal Goverkment made a Mistake and they CAN Repair IT, please.

Saturday, February 2, 2019

SAVE Suicide Prevention Org Tom Morillo

light bulb goes 0n
2/3/2019
saw video at
Veritas Studios in Los Angeles, CA
with Tom Morillo [(genius guitar)] and Friends
with
SAVE Suicide Prevention Organization
https://www.facebook.com/TomMorello/videos/2256635344584316
(fecebook pains me, but...)

and this intense music video
song: Every Step I Take
https://nearest.tm00.com/tnewsm1/Artists/TomMorello/output/mp4/output_EveryStepThatITake_Official.mp4

Thank you for this for all us folks out there (me included) who must never try to take their own lives even especially by accident.

In my humble opinion and what has been the best bet for me personally, is to not do any Prescription Drugs nor especially no drinking of alcohol AND ESPECIALLY NOT SIMULTANEOUSLY, ok anyone this may apply to?  Please.  I beg of any of you.  

And any feeling that you want to die is like ...  IT always passes and you will eventually feel better.  Please.

2/4 update
Blogspot now seems to republish posts that I update with the new date of republish.  I wish I could just edit without republishing, but here goes.  Edit:

This is just my personal survival story.  If you are taking drugs and they are helping you do NOT be influenced by my story urging NO MEDICATION, please.  Do whatever You have to To Survive, and to Not Get Suicidal, or Suicided, and to Not Succumb to the suicidal thoughts that may try to haunt you.

Remember, please, to actively fight any sadness, anger and depression you may react to, at the bad things that happen to and in this World against us human beings, which seem to be exponentially escalating.  It WILL turn around.  Please, do what you must to protect yourself from the pain of knowing what this world can be about.  Because truthfully, as much evil is out there, there is the other side, which is joy, beauty, nature, human ingenuity, creativity and YOU.  Bare knuckle grit teeth the roller coaster rides.  Focus on the good to heal your heart and mind from the bad.  Fine, be aware, as much as you want, but remember to enjoy every minute of the gift of life that has been given to you, please.  I beg you to not be self-destructive.

So here's how I remember that terrible day.  It was three months after corrective surgery to a naval hernia.  The pain had come on for years but had now escalated impossibly in the last three.  The surgery seemed successful.  I was and am so grateful.  I have been told to not rip at my stitches, to not be macho any more.  To take it easy for the rest of my life.  That seemed a death sentence to me at that time, but it is in fact NOT.  I can focus on the wonder and beauty of my life, which I must create myself.  I am eternally grateful for still being alive.  I am terribly sorry I tried to take my own life, after being so successful at denying the constant medically induced suicidal ideation I suffered from and stayed in Denial Of, while taking prescription psychotropic pill cocktails to not be so bipolar, so I could work.  But really, if I had just had a chance somehow, which I did not if fact have, to be supported by others financially in such a way that I did not have to work, then I would not have had to be on pills for 2 decades.  It was me who insisted on trying to be independent, which I was in fact not, I was dependent on my Mom, and on employers so I could try to stay independent.  The economy had other ideas for the world.  Complicated and embarrassing.

Music break:  Robbie Robertson & crew's song: Ghost Dance

I was in a foul mood, coming home, being selfish and a baby not getting everything I want, my cake and to eat it too kind of thing.  I can be a real immature jerk sometimes, which I am trying to grow up out of.  Ok.  So we get home, put away the supplies and I was real anxious about realizing that I had to get with the program of no social life to speak of.  No personal friends.  Which, by rights, is partly my fault, because of my bizarre behavior, and Protection issues.  Keep Me Away From The Whitecoats.  Truth here.

So for a week, I had been taking a little bit of an anti-anxiety drug which the name escapes me now, but it was I think Lorezapam for two weeks at that point.  I was taking the lowest doses possible.  Meanwhile, I was using a little bit of alcohol, trying to be like my dad, sticking to two tiny glasses of wine at night equaling one glass of wine.  Truthfully, I was slowly and kind of secretly falling off that bandwagon.  

I hate to admit this, but at that time, the drug alcohol has helped me tremendously, but also as much as it has helped, the way I use it is not good, and it becomes a curse.  For me, alcohol is always a slippery slope.  So because of the syndrome I have developed over the years of 'bipolar' disorder (to give it ITs label,) and my own addictive personality issues, I must personally abstain from alcohol for the rest of my life at this point forward.  I can not consistently drink responsibly proven by my history.  It is hard, and not really as time goes on, but I must stay sober from alcohol for life.  Quit date 4/1/2018, no fooling.

See, it's true that if you have a drink or two and keep it at that level, it can in fact be used ceremoniously and be healthy for some people.  However, I personally do not have the discipline to sustain that.

Ok, so I helped put supplies away and was not hungry to feed myself, just selfish and pissed off, and since I had been taking those pills a little bit to help cope with anxiety for the previous two weeks, while using alcohol at the same time, secretly, I was on the slippery slope of danger.  I stole two beers, came into my room, shut the curtain and sucked back the first beer in about two gulps with one tiny little Lorezapam.  I was expecting to feel better but in fact did not.  The holidays were near and I was also upset thinking about how I screwed up so bad recently and all my life with those I am supposed to care for, not just love, my family, friends, etc.

The pill with the first beer I had stolen and snuck in my room did not fix my anxiety.  Self-hatred set in.  I sucked the other beer down and took another pill.  Honestly, the rest of it seems like a bad dream.  I lost control.  I blacked out awake.  My actions were not my own.  My old self-destructive childishness took over.  I found out when I woke at the hospital, that I had systematically taken every last Prescription drug pill left in my stash.  

Thank god, I have no more prescription medication to speak of.  What little I have left, my Companion has agreed to hide from me.  Thank god for him, oh my god, please.

I used to have an arsenal of prescription drugs to get through work, my dubious history which I did not want to face, etc., but had already photographed and buried the deadly things the Rx T-rex I call the pills, legal as they are, because I could not find a way to dispose of them in the incinerator at the hospital.  That is the least toxic way that we knew of at that point to dispose of prescription drugs.  

The local Dartmouth Hitchcock Hospital told me that they did not do that for the public, apparently, incinerate old prescription medications, because I kept calling them and they kept blowing me off.  I had learned that this was the best way to keep discarded prescription pills out of the waste stream.  If you flush them, they go directly into the water and contaminate the water table.  But burying any pills is just as bad if not worse (see LEED Certification from working at the beloved Hospitals for a Healthy Environment, (H2E), Health Care Without Harm.)  But I was so desperate to get rid of them and stop carrying them around year after year.  I did not want to give them to the pharmacies because they would just throw them in the trash, which is bad contamination of the eventual soil, which goes directly into the water table.  They are buried, gone from me but beared by the soil I buried them in.  

Except I still had a stash of prescription pills to try to stay stable and not get psychotic over time if I lost too much sleep (PTSD activation issues, see world environ:mental degredation=corrupt politic$ especially the USA now 2019 with Trump as Madman in process of getting comeuppance), or so I tried to rationalise with myself.  Just in case the moods swung again too bad.  That rug that keeps getting pulled out every time I try to do anything good with my life.  I can Not Burn The proverbial Candle AT Both Ends.  And now I can't be matcho any more in the gardens.  Gahd.

It is the deadly extremes of mania I especially try to avoid losing my cover.  No one notices depression as much, not that that is cool either.  The depressions I manage to get through but it is so hard on the people around me.  Hence, a life of trying to isolate myself, to protect other people from my own mood swings.  Active Irrationalisation?  Good term, heard that one in song once I think. ;)

But, so, I had collected a new stash of anti-psychotics, prescribed to me just in case, to prevent psychosis from taking it's grip.  I tried to sleep a lot, too.  When I worked, I used to take an Abilify anti-psychotic say on a Friday and try to jump start my health horrendously sick from the pill over the weekend and get back to work on a Monday and try to function better without having a manic episode.  It would wreck my gut and head, but I'd try to fumble through my work tasks the best I could to recover.  So, I still needed and at that point lots of supervision at work through a good manager.

I thought it worked pretty good, but that was because I was also sober from alcohol. I managed to hold down jobs for several years at a time at that point in life.

So I had sucked down the second stolen beer, and kind of blacked out in this awake dream, and took every last pill I could find in my room, which was all of them.  Then lied down, still blacked out, and passed out.  My caring Companion checked on me, thank gahd, found me unresponsive and dropped everything in the dead of winter, way out here, and hauled my ass to the hospital immediately.  I was passed out awake.  He saved my life.  The hospital then gave him a ration of sh*t blaming, then saved my life from there after a day or so, but I had to get the hell out of there because they kept waking me up with flashlights in my eyes every hour on suicide watch.  If I had stayed at the loony bin I would have gone into a full blown manic episode from a deep depression within a week:  deadly.  

But then I was still alive and had to try to make reparations with my life.  My poor beloved Companion, really.  He is a Saint to put up with me still now.  I am indebted to him spiritually for saving my life from the crash of 2008 which affected me by my job being eliminated by 10/31/2010.  After that, I kept losing everything (yet again), making horrendous choices with dwindling resources, etc, not listening to sage advice, to sound financial advice etc.  I kept rebelling, being oppositional, childish, and at my ripe age so stupid, and obviously self-destructive.  

I did now willingly stop taking medications.  My plan when I started taking them was in fact to do it for just a while until I stabilized.  That was a myth, however, for me.  The pills habit, legal even though it was, perpetuated my inability to heal my own body myself.  I wish I had never made any bad choices in life, but I must grow the heck up, I'm an old woman now, it's about time, and try to make the best of life.

Got booted out of healthcare in the Great Depression of 2008, no more deadly Rx T-rex was allowed for me.  Mixed blessing.  Now, I am grateful except for subsequently systematically losing my independence.  It's ok though.  I am alive, and happy as I can be.  No social life to speak of, and there are reasons for that that I must take responsibility for.  So, I must respect that in order to enjoy the life I have left here.

Do not pity.  The Pity Committees must be disbanded.

Please no one, please, do not repeat my mistakes.  Follow your own heart.  Look to strong people that take better care of themselves so they can take better care of each other, see?  Be yourself. Listen to uplifting music if you possibly can.  Appreciate all your gifts, even if they are currently disguised as not gifts. Every last one of us are important.  All people are important, especially people who try to be good to themselves, and each other.  If you are alone, there are guardian angels all around you, for each of us.


P.S.  This sucks to admit, the shame is still raw.  I am so sorry.  It's been over three years since that horrible mistake.  Every day.  I am so thankful that the alcohol += drugs did not win.  One step at a time.  If I can decide I deserve to survive, anyone can, I dare you to stay alive and at the way least in your soul try to thrive!  Joy as rebellion...

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Xintra Technical School, Bankrupt and Gone

In the 90s I was working for a large financial corporation in Boston and had just achieved getting promoted to a position in the intranet department.  I wanted to get more skills for that job so I got a $7,250 loan and signed up for a Webmaster certificate at Xintra Technical School in Quincy.  There were four modules, or classes in that certificate and I took the Coding class first, then the web design.  I really liked our teacher for the web design class.  Then there was a rumor that the school was going to close.

A few weeks before the web design class was completed, the school took the money and ran - back to China.  Closed the school down.  So our web design teacher generously offered us to complete the class at his home office in Dorchester, and provide us with a certificate for his course.  I collected everyone's email addresses and got a list going.  I got the information for the Massachusetts Department of Education and how to apply for assistance from them with getting our money back.

Well, it was weird, but I believe that out of the 20 or so students in that web design class (that got robbed by Xintra,) I was the only one that applied for assistance with the Dept. of Ed.  It took over 5 years, but I did get some of that loan exonerated.  They should have comp'd three quarters of the loan, but they only did a half.  Thank you Sallie F!@#$%^&*()_reakin' Mae. 52 when those accumulated training/failed degree at U/Mass loans finally got paid off.  I'm so sorry for what the kids are going through these days.

Ear Shackles Buds On.  Turn it UP.

Sunday, January 27, 2019

CRACK Right OUT of FENWAY???


something like gliding, gliding, gliding up an dove er that old green monster gone

to the tune Wooden Ships by Crosby Stills Nash and Young

hat tip to the Crack! off the end of a Bat Right OUT a Fenway Pahk

♥∞☮NO☮∞♥


DO NOT DREAM IT IS OVER 
DO NOT DREAM IT IS OVER
DO NOT DREAM IT IS OVER 
DO NOT DREAM IT IS OVER
DO NOT DREAM IT IS OVER 
DO NOT DREAM IT IS OVER 
 "The Coup is Positioning to Embed in Venequela to be able to funnel Russia and China up through to the U.S.A to take over" 

♥∞☮NO☮∞♥

TRUMP IS A RUSSIAN OPERATIVE they do not want to IMPEACH or STOP THE SHUTDOWN because THEY ALL IN WASHINGTON EAT FROM THE SAME PLATE
DO NOT DREAM IT IS OVER 
DO NOT DREAM IT IS OVER
DO NOT DREAM IT IS OVER 
DO NOT DREAM IT IS OVER
DO NOT DREAM IT IS OVER 
DO NOT DREAM IT IS OVER

♥∞☮NO☮∞♥


The end of this song devolving into sadness?  NO.  I disagree within that hat tip tune to the Beloved but Sad song above.  Mother Earths NATURE Does Need Us.  She LOVE all  us.  We ARE IN FACT ONE organism made up of each cell, each molecule, each component, Every Last (non evil parasitic [does not kill its host]) Human On Earth

Dig? 

♥∞☮NO☮∞♥

  each of us are spiritually connected more and more each second like it or not now
not up to us Look to the Universe and 'Time' or our concept of...

Friday, January 25, 2019

Amazing Grace Erykah Badu ∃π~♬♪♥∞☮★



#SoulTrainAwards18 #ErykahBadu #BET
ERYKAH BADU PERFORMS A MEDLEY THAT TOUCHES OUR SOULS | Soul Train Awards 2018
861,292 views
29K
408
BETNetworks
Published on Dec 3, 2018
The Legend Award honoree, Erykah Badu, preforms a sweet medley of songs that touch our souls.



Erykah Badu: NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert
4,441,960 views
107K
1.7K
NPR Music
Published on Aug 22, 2018
Aug. 15, 2018 | Felix Contreras

(gbus snapshot...)
Thank you for being in our world with us Erykah...amazing woman.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and in other better.nuze:

AOC!

TheLily
Why electing two Native American women to Congress is about more than making history
It’s about asserting indigenous women’s ancestral right to leadership
https://www.thelily.com/why-electing-two-native-american-women-to-congress-is-about-more-than-making-history/

Election 2018: Night of firsts with historic wins for Muslims, Native Americans, women and LGBT candidates
By Jason Silverstein
Updated on: November 7, 2018 / 4:35 PM / CBS News (bus)
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/election-2018-night-of-firsts-with-historic-wins-for-muslims-native-americans-women-and-lgbt-candidates/ 

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Portrait of Courage Elder Faces Psycopathetic Mob

Grace and Dignity
in Defiance of Psychopaths
DemocracyNow!.org:

  Hear Mr. Phillips Own Words



Love, Light and Caring all around this Courageous Man and All He Loves and Knows Protection to the Pi
Thank you kind Peace Warrior

TV Paranoia Programming Capitalism



HUMAN.  Capitalism at the root of corruption.  Take-overs.  Colonization through violence.

Ben & Jerry's WAS delish.  Oops!  !P0p!


Both sides of the brain.  IT is watching us all as well, fangs dripping, dripping.  Recording into $atan'$ lair, 'embedded' d.e.e.p.l.y., secretly into Mother E herself.  School of hard bullshit Knox.

What is  IT      under the Guise of 'teaching' who what???...in fact, doing to you.  Breathe into that thought.

Ben ampersand Jerry's is now   IT corporate.
What???
77777
88888
99999
00000
11111
22222
33333
44444
55555

whaaaht?
oh.  that Grid

Used to like the Cinnamon Bun iced cream.  There was a swirl of loving ingredients, syrup, containing a blast of quality cinnamon.  Just that image for a moment, put the diabetes and subjugation of the blessed cow et all or any hinky anything out of your mind for a sec. so you can stomach it.     Yu...m...?  Pass the Remote=Remote Viewing.  Yikezwhillikikikikikikerz.

looks like dog puke to me
for shame, CORPORATE
The last time I will ever eat the current now GMO laden Corporate Been and Jelly's, oh, I mean Ben & Jerry's ice cream was the Cinnamon Bun, bastardized and puke laden.  I have a photo here for you to illustrate the ingredients they put in it now.  Corporations are in fact NOT HUMAN.

I kept spitting them out after choking down a few of them.  Threw away half the tub after choking some of it down.  I had a stomach ache for days...hurts to look at this.

Stoopid, stoopid me.

A week later I still yet have been horribly ill fighting off chem+flu since the 3rd, finally shaking it now ... I hope.

Fahghet Aabaaaht ET.  Have a good day.  All freaking apologies.

Sunday, January 20, 2019

On Frankly Speaking with Clarity


 Frankly Speaking

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On Frankly Speaking with Clarity

Our Minds Will Then Rest after the STOP of the Madness that Ruins Life on Earth

by Nonna Francesca Faraone through LFN with Bino

No white trashed.

2019.01.20.burning.plastic.in.hearth.and.around.home.and.on.having.a.dream.mlk.txt

The anxiety will slowly lift and we will all sleep better again.  Cabin fever s*x.

Don't Dream It's Over

hat tip to Martin Luther King Jr. day and the fact that this year is a lunar eclipse in the first degrees of Aquarius.  'We Shall Ola Come'.  'Leave Alone'.  Ma and Pa.  First words in the stoller in Lexington, then Concord Massachusetts.  Revolutionary War, homeplaces of the argument between them of who shot the stupid first bullet.  Heard around the world.  The Evil has been Spinning this way, more for the billionaires less for everyone else and do so at the destruction of the planet?  No.


No.  I Think Not.

On Cracking Code

Soulfully  Willfully

With Soul

Literally.  Symbolically.  Synchronistically.

The feminine.  Gemini, however a masculine sign.

On Suffocating slowly.  Literally.  Symbolically.  Synchronistically.

Carl Jung.  A Causal Synchronicity and using astrological symbols to illustrate examples.

Don't Dream It's Over


I believe in reality as well.  I have incorporated it into my 'belief system' that constantly does what?  Evolves.  The one constant is Change.  I was born seeing everything through symbols, slightly slanted and backwards with astygmatism and dyslexia through spectrum autism where you see things spectrally, and so to try to keep balance equals taking everything for face value thus literally.  It is a gift, like a rainbow to give that a symbol. Diversity is the one as all literally.

Homeopathy

The philosophy a way of life.

'A bite of the dog that bit you.'

Don't Dream It's Over

In Tai Chi, the breathing first step. 
Tai Chi
Chi She` equals the sinking down onto, with Earth, breathing her air, arms in a round circle imagining your Chi, which is the Earth herself within your circle of life symbol using your arms mostly here in this stance bending your knees and breathing into your bones, through your bones.  Thinking nothing.  Tai Chi, one stands in the yogic Mountain Pose.  Then one melts into the second pose, Chi Sheh, pronounced phonetically the second pose.  So, emulating being One within the Universe

Gemini I Think I Breathe Air

Rules the Lungs Arms Hands

Green Energy Times
http://greenenergytimes.org
Burning plastic has in fact become from something beautiful fast forward to modern abuse of the planet: in fact wrong magic.  So is driving cars and heating homes.

Don't Dream It's Over

Leaching slowly into our lungs throats bodies through the throat lungs.

In homeopathy misuse abuse that is worsening the black in the lungs of all life on earth, whole kit and caboodle, whole ball of wax etc.

Humans have suffered from heating homes throughout recent history.  Or not being able to heat homes.  Or breathing home fires indoors, very bad for the breathing.

Historical recency.  The Great Bamboozle.  Everything was back-ass backwards until now, this very month of 1.1.2019.  Retrograde, simply.  We are now direct.  The reset has been set for us by simply that which occurs up there.  Our place within the universe that surrounds us like a hug. 

Universal thought.  That which we see is what we create.  Delusion?  No.  Creativity.  Creating the world you want to see with your own...imagination.  And to each, his own, we all have them.  ;)

Burning 'Fossile Fuels' agreed they are not either, they are the Petro Chemical Military Industrial Complex, a cancer upon the earth.  Blackwater, PUKE!.  ??  Really?  Harmlife=water it should be.  Wreaked upon with malevolence and rath upon Earth.  It need not be that way.  If then statements within internet code.  Wish I could write code but I was too busy Dreamingweavers.  The back end.  Behind the scenes.  The man behind the curtain.  Silly Oz, tricks are for...suffer naught the Children, Kavanaugh.  His daughter is also Liza. No, no, no.  Psychopaths in office...?

It can easily stop immediately THAT polluting the earth through the rape and theft of others resources.  Cease and desist.  After that, exponential escalation of spontaneous healing.  Completely the other way from this way.

Magic is nothing like the cottage industries that built up around it, the smoke and mirrors.  It is a simple formula

That Which Occurs.  Simple.  Elegant Code.  To sound like, try to imitate or channel however you want to see it ... like the days of old ways ... Thou shalt not ... burn plastic ... as part of the fallout ... that is going on Out There ...

The hearth is the lifesblood, the heart of the home.  It was done at the Blue Moon, where I found the boulder in the back yard with the boule/bowl of blue granite in it, with the blue granite stone boulder out front.  A sacred bowl carved out of Earth from the Atmosphere with includes the Universe.  An  ouroborous carved in very dense blue granite where I cleaned out the burnt bottles and trash and they had also burnt plastic and then... created a gorgeous flower garden.  The soil can in fact relatively quickly regenerate after the dosing no matter how small ceases.  Lets please not be part of the greater problem at least in our own homes.

When did we start driving cars, and why?  Oh, yeah, to enrich J.P. Morgan and spawn.  Fe`  Ew.  Yucky.  Can't wash that off.

The evil is receding.  It must back down now in order to attempt to survive.  We will not relinquish, and IT will not be able to grow any longer, IT has become useless and IT knows IT relinquishing IT's host, IT's grip in a Yuga sort of way.

Do not dream it is over.  Dream of all the Beauty in this Whole Life.  Hat tip to a Brother.

Silence is in fact golden.  Breathe...

That which is, minus this still smoke and mirrors, the internet.

Ground!  Protection around ALL ONE Good in Perpetuity.  Punto.  Here's your fewer words.  ;)

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Actions and Timelines

Ok, obviously I'm just writing what comes into my head hear.  Don't freak out.  Obviously, I make no claim that this post is logical, based on science or sensical.  It's just what flowed through, dig? Poetry.  Poetic license.  Please take it easy.

as
a.) For every action there is in fact a reaction.
b.) There exist many timelines that can intersect, or not.

Waving My Freak Flag High





















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if
There are always consequences for every action on every timeline.
then

if
How can I as an individual
then
effect the change so desperately needed to be seen by All as One of this world?

if
As but one puny huwoman [but one of what they supposedly tell us 8 or n=9 Billions] how can my actions
Cause a chain reaction?  Through love of music?  I am not a musician despite the fact that I have studied music passionately.
then

If it is of my belief that my heart is shattered beyond repair and I do not love myself much beyond caring about and for my temple and temples as best I can
Then how is it that I so 'dearly love over all good caring Huwomanity, 'Mother Earth, 'Grandmother Galaxy and the 'Universe we all reside in ... so deeply?

Ah, I have an answer to that one.  Because this Universe Is Home.

How is it that I have wanted to not exist most of my entire life, yet do not have one ounce of courage when it comes to actually ending my life?  Is it cowardice to care for others, or is it courage to carry on for them?


If I sea reality* straight up head on in the face, 
Then why does reality* looks away from me?

Why?? 

** reality, as symbolised for example by the beloved Sea 

Time travel?  Travel, no, I call bullsh@t on that.  That is not the point.  Yet again.  Travel is not the point.  Time lines is the point.  Must care for and stay within all appropriate given time lines, not with the wish to escape from one to another.  Saturn, the Lord of Karma will always catch up to anyone's essence or soul, after the body leaves it.  There is always exi-stance of the soul unless one wants to be transformed.

What makes me so sure?  I have no desire to prove the unprovable.  It just is.  I can feel it in my gut.  I have no way of proving phoofe proof.

!Pop!  ahhhh, rude awakening ?'reality'? is sometimes
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