Dear Abbie,

Abbie

Here's to you.  You would have been 78 today? 

You were right. You were famous. When I said you weren't that famous, it was just to piss you off. Only said it because you were such an egomaniac. But you were right. When they suicided you, it became evident that everyone knew you. 

Saw it in a vision several years after you died. It was a hand-held device, reminiscent of a radar gun that staties use to speed-trap folks on highways. They knew you were in a down state, a rough patch, that you were weakened. They hired some goon to point it at you while you were sleeping, from the edge of the field outside the renovated turkey coop apartments you rented in New Hope, PA (Solesbury Township. Ironic.) I saw it. They kept doing it until it had microwaved your brain enough to drive you insane. Another revolutionary suicided.

Always wanted to write something in homage to your legacy, a book on bipolar with a chapter on the corrupt Rx industry for you, but it lays fallow (that book) most likely to never be published. You were writing a book on manic depression when they took you, yes? Yes, I'm a wimp. How could I possibly do the right (write) thing? We clashed, being in-laws and all. But you had a profound affect on our lives. And I was then and am proud of you, my former out-law father-in-law.  I'm sorry. I was such a little puissant to you.  (But it was so much fun:)  All these years, you've tried to help from the other side.

"Free speech means the right to shout 'theatre' in a crowded fire." -Abbie Hoffman

Today, our broken hearts are with Ferguson and America's systemic racism. And mind bogglingly vast numbers of other horrors committed against humanity and the planet. We are still in a downward spiral, 25+ years after you've been gone, worse than ever, on the brink of mass extinction for crap's sake. It's insane, the escalation of the degradation of this planet.  You had it right to focus on saving the environment and no more war. 'Barry Freed' with Save the River, for goodness sake.

Exercising free speech these days is more dangerous than ever. The bastards (corruption) are destroying the constitution.
On a personal note, your death 'Pop, as Andy called you' was the beginning of the end for Andrew and me. I did love him. But he insisted on a downward spiral after we lost you, getting himself under a guise of impunity (others unprotected) into more and more trouble, making me more angry and crazy trying to get a damned college education while working and having breakdowns under the stress. 

Mid-80s, Sloppy Louis in NYC, R-2-L back, sister Phyllis, Abbie, brother Jack,
Aunt Rose, mother Florence (she adored her family), and an unidentified uncle? (far left)

Didn't want to leave, but when he insisted on putting my father at increasing risk (with the 'use of the cottage) had to do something to protect my family, even at my own demise. What choice was there? Probably saved Andrew's butt (and both of our families') by leaving him, and having become a hateful banshee, couldn't stand myself with him. We could never work things out, as much as we tried. It all sucked more than anything. Devastated and in grief for decades at the loss of Sheila and Ilya. Andrew? Anyway.  Blood is thicker...

Next book reads will be oldies. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert M. Pirsig. The Carlos Castaneda series, not necessarily in order. Have been getting into reading Zen Gardener and other great bloggers. Blog, web-log. These guys kinda remind me a little of you, Abbie. Truth Warrior types. Eye Like Icke.  in5d.com.  Augureye.  You would be so angry about the shit going down on the people these days.  Your kind is missed.

My father Bino has been gone since 93, and I've become estranged with my mother and brother in recent years.  A recurring theme, me losing family.  Got no parents left.  Ok, No, happy now?  So Happy Birthday, Abbie.  Cheers, to you.

Are. The Write to Free Speech

photo credit

 

 

 

 Some old psychotic prose.  In Boston we say our "r's" 'aaaaaahh'.  ;)

< back	recommended healing
Circus on the Moon May the force, be with us......... (XXXplaceholder for saving the earth hereOOO) music and writing are art - the most immediate powerful medium gets us right in our feelings goes right to a heart momo (XXXplaceholder for saving the earth hereOOO) don't want to walk alone any more , (XXXplaceholder for saving the earth hereOOO) okay? where are those crazyolasz?...	This is a web. It (the internet)has ugly roots in WAR, and military defense communications. And now it has transformed from imprisoned to free defense through LOVE! The 'WRITE' to FREE SPEECH Time form-e to MOVE on.org toward DEMOCRACYNOW.ORG type thinking for this puppy LOVE!!!!!!!!!! PEACE OUT OK, this is an exercise in (trying to) love something no matter how hateful or evil it is, to try to heal it baby, we love our government and our country "We, the people" LOVE THE GOVERNMENT!! it's all good, we We are the world. love, and LOVE better watch out for them good ufo's, big guys - they may love you to peaces nobody move, nobody get hurt where is Waldo, anyway? "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -Ralph Waldo Emerson iow - in other words - with the mind do the trails, threads, trains of thought	please don't blame the son, eye see now he was a victim too thank you for all of you - your gifts - and inspiration - encouragement...nurturing...family so many beautiful people, how can eye re cognize you all? one at a time... tributes begin below... every single last ALL of us people good in the:
America='free' speech for all - the universal - the collective	draft - of WILL WE, the People Classy Fried Ad	INSPIRATION  FOR JOINING THE MOVEMENT OF SURVIVAL  OF our
Arts - inspiration - potential - for ears to hear here would like to focus with writers and musicians, because it's all about whatcan be between ears, spirit and in hearts. Inspiration lives everywhere, for an example: Dylan's - Tangled up in Blue (XXXplaceholder for saving the earth hereOOO) happened on the radio just now. ah yup, Oh Please Just, Let me Please Break Down (XXXplaceholder for saving the earth hereOOO)- I need this old dream to Break Down - breakitdown - XXXOOO I'll get your name to recognize you here placeholder XXXOOO please keep in mind with this the two kinds of LOVE are not the same. they are separate entities even though they are connected as everything else is
zealicious y x w v u t s r q p o n m l k j i h g f e d c b a zealicious y, my, my xactly where we go wing very cool U-NI-VERSE-ALL t - swf poison pen & web sail right on - the vibe has won for eternity consider that! this nav sux - if eye had the time this web would become more professional, crazyolaz well, tough patooties :) ! as they say... ERR-OR! ER-ROR - 404! Apparently, this page is not compatible with any browsers. Actually, we couldn't find the page you requested. Please check the URL. It may have gone to California to find itself. BASTA COSI' spritually homeless starsouttonight howsillyofme happy Slanting Rays Fighting the Will So Sudden Gee, Silly Girl have some	fear is only in our heads...let go...there is nothing anyone can not learn...in a little while... i'ts not about m...it's about spinning a top...'m HER child...noone can f-ck with m now...go ahead - try n kill, weye'll just come back again...STRONGER and STRONGER Bombastic FORGIVENESS is the word of the day today Hey there, DJ Day, no worries. It's just the silly world of soul rock and roll's rave. You're just doing your job, eyem used to this bye new. They're like spanking a naughty child, who was part of a repressed problem for way too long (hey - parents always used to blame the kids) and when it grows up (like yesterday), it's not all that and it's going to be all good. Got the pink shirt and pink charms on the old heart chakra going. So rest your mind, and have some tea and take care of that headache. Here's a holder for your crazyolasz EVERYONE - please check article on healing mind blowing. Hey Pally Cake - don't you be dissin' any mum. She's a scared little kid who got the shit kicked out of her growing up so BACK OFF or you'll frig up your own karma. She takes care of her little sicko the best way she can, by offering her tons of mortgages to pay off. Eye no, let's put your working balls off under a microscope and see what's growing there...and we can make all kinds of deep assumptions based on face value. while your atit - believe everything you see and hear okay?. With that, you get a middle finger and then a kiss blowed at your face. an you can have those crazyolasz i gave you cause i love all the rest of your stupid cakey musix, it's all good butt i digress don't have to not think about it all any more my turn to finally contribute - so her's a story for ya keep gathering those spirit doves off the ground, they are looking up at you happy waiting to play doves of peace, scoop em all in your arms and up - lett them free it's over no they self please forgive me it's let go now, eye promise for good it's bad gass passed so pass that around and bite doves flying out of your loving living outstretched arms, up into the skeye, playing birdies, filling up the sky!!! let's go! none of it happend, okay? snot all the - let it go - real heal heal, dog - heal pls, kin oui pretend to be in deenial and pretend it never happened? lass'nite cuz it's like....a fart. it was repressed for a long time at work and it just came out - so it's let go so moved on. let it go let it snow let it snow let the pain go have to recommend a life - changing articles - healing anyone? i'm vinally bein a good kid now... pizza, frenchfries, pixxa, prenchpries how do ya *choke, cough* celebrate President's day? ...o well, just link to the adventures of porgie and bess!!...who are they anyway? ah, so much research, links to link, so little time...to do...and f'ing dial-up to boot-m in the arse!	continued: The RADIO is a more universal and accessible tool as it transmits our musical library. Sort of for free, after you buy the radio and get electricity or batteries for it. Ok, not free. We can open our hearts and practice training ourselves to believe that all humans are truly a collective "us" - the key to survival. Together. What a point so much of the structure of society misses. This with all of the beautiful works our artists of all genre's have "given" the world. Artists crave inspiration, (their awedience) and we have each other. Classy Fried Ad like minded individuals loving from their hearts (separated - that pure love - as a conduit - for this article here) just thinking creative - wax imagination - to picture a concept envision the shedding of the physical and replacing with unity in the mind and spirit we will still retain our individuality as the vibe shifts the vibe Creativity in penning, and any other medium, and the creativity of listener, the radio reception so to speak, is KEY. Together we can be inspired by pure love and have a real chance at survival, yes? Did m catch on yet?... Here are those darlin' little deemed crazyolasz...colorful little waxy beasts
	02/23/05

 

 

Black Lives Matter: Ferguson Erupts After Grand Jury Clears Officer in Michael Brown Killing

By Democracy Now | http://www.democracynow.org/2014/11/25/black_lives_matter_ferguson_erupts_after

So Many People Are Badly Traumatized by Life in America: It's Time We Admit It

 

The ”peaceful” Pilgrims massacred the Pequots and destroyed
their fort near Stonington, Connecticut, in 1637.
A 19th-century wood engraving (above) depicts the slaughter. (The Granger Collection, NYC)

By Lynn Stuart Parramore, AlterNet.org |
https://www.alternet.org/2014/11/so-many-people-are-badly-traumatized-life-america-its-time-we-admit-it/

Tyranny Rex



Tallullah Lay and her 5 chicks

Loathed school and avoided it at all cost, a venerate (compulsive) loner. At 27, finally saw the value of it in context to getting less mind-numbing (& theoretically more $$) employment, and went to University of Mass. I was too sick (bipolar from early childhood and a toxic upbringing) to follow through - the sleep deprivation with working and going to school I couldn't overcome and dropped out several times before I finally had to let it go. Just paid off all those broken degree school loans, at 53! I also went back to trade school in the 90', 00's, and finally got better employment (web design) but with this damned illness, no degree and serious social issues, fell out of the job market after the big crash '08. Holding down jobs had always been a struggle with the bipolar disorder, getting worse as I got older.

Ironically, losing everything, as agonizing as it was the best thing that happened to me. I was finally able to get off the dreadful Rx meds (had to anyway - lost the med. insurance) that make one so sick. 20 years they did their vile damage. Over the last several years, I got really sick, I mean a mother of a dreaded manic episode. My life flashed before me. My memory came back. Facing and surviving it was extremely painful but exactly what I needed. It had been all subverted to unconsciousness, having started from infancy. Manic episodes are always to be avoided, they always leave you with many train wrecks to recover from. Somehow I survived this latest bad one, damage sustained. Realized how toxic a family I have and protect myself from them now with sad but necessary estrangement.

I am extremely fortunate. J., my companion, has been my protective wing. He is extremely well-read and has genius level memory, mental abilities. (Self-taught, no silver spoon or even a drop of help from his parents.) He is an amazing man. He moved to the wild woods of Vermont, bought 10 rugged acres in the hills with a small ravine, and lived in a Teepee the first year. He's half Native. (Winters here can be deadly.) That he has done all this with no help (14 years) until I got here 4 years ago, with his bare hands is amazing to me. Sometimes we barely have two pennies to clink together, but he paid his mortgage off, and has only taxes and utilities to contend with. So smart to stay away from debt/employment slavery. Life is simpler here (in ways) like tending to firewood is almost a full time job. Not to gloss it over, it can be rough out in the woods. But the joys are immense. Nature. Chickens. And you can be who you really are.

Wish there were something to do to volunteer for the community.  Don't like driving, and don't like leaving home or James. Really wish there were something to do from home. Other than that, focusing on survival, firewood and staying warm is where it's at. 

Bipolar disorder is a devastating disease.  There should be g@* d*&n Rx that worked without devastating destruction of the body...