Bipolar Medication Deadly Maze

Tyrannosaurus Rex Dinosaur skeleton.
Symbolic of why I call Rx Trex,
because of the
pharmaceutical industry's Tyranny on true health.
image attribution: ScottRobertAnselmo
[CC BY-SA 3.0
(https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)],
from Wikimedia Commons

latest update, 'Don't Let a Thief in Your Mouth to Steal Your Brain'

Love Lewis Black sometimes and HE KNOWZ IT!!!!!  I promise to you all through that latest skit of his on Trevor Noah that I hereby have given up on alcohol for the duration, despite the aches and pains that are coming on with age 57.  Next year?  58.  WoW.  The deadly T Rex is in cahoots with Satans minions.  Believe you me.  Most know.  More will.

I took damned it to hell Lorezapam, and you know why.  It was the anxiety took a hold of me yet again.  Sleep issues with the new life for the duration anxieties.  I was lying to my health professionals at that point by drinking as damned much as I damned to hell pleased behind their backs.  Never Again.  No more psychia-trix to choke on and no more Alcohol, as it is the slippery Nemesis that always ends up drinking me.  It's a put-0n.

OMG.  Gulp.  Guzzled the Lorezapam pill down with beer that I always end up guzzling and I actually lost the voracious appetite that comes with my numbing Alcohol abuse at that moment.  Love that shit too much sea.  Trying to not spill all the beanpot here.  But it's necessary.  It numbs ancestral pain.  I had started taking the Deadly T Rex again, just then, for about a week.  I was self-indulgingly in a foul mood getting home that night, and popped a Lorezapam, very low dose.  NOT SAFE!!!  Warning Will Robinson!!!  With sucking down a beer!!!  Deadly Terrorism that is legal.  Rx.  I don't even remember being possessed to take all the pills I could find in what remained of my collection.  Thank gahd it's all gone now and I have relinquished any remnants to DudeZ0.  He is very extremely disapproving of my taking them because he knows when Rx gets its hooks into me I'm at risk of suiciding myself.  I dig.  Parasitic Greed is Big Pharma.  Bluefangs.

Now both of our constitional rights were unlawfully by Universal Law and for DudeZ0 the Absolute Just and Truth through thier own damned laws.  Christ!!!!!!!  May the ACLU chapter help us cause we need it!  But only if we help ourselves by asking.  Lewis helps me out here.  ;)  Love all goode.  So does the dang TV now that I think of it just not the back end bamboozling, despite the tone and of arguing it all Politically and adeptly may I add?  His second family.

'Lost control of a killer' the Alchohol and Legal Drugs are My Nemesis Truthfully.  Even a jellyfish will tell you that, Machine Gun, Jimi H.  ...and as the beloved group Prof Professes hilariously and hooked me in to thier hilarity.  Love all of those kids.  They are my new adopted community of kids long distance for the duration.  Protection love and light all around the Label.  And all goode people for that Auntie Matter.

Hurricane anyone those few years ago nearly swiping Fla hurricane Michael...what???!!!  I heard she was hiding out underground with Gah and I was moved through fear to call her and it had been 4 years...?  I was never agining again...  A year later we are trying to be more of a good family.  I have to live in truth and have a mouth to match especially with them.  I have put my foot down with the two that are my family and we only communicate now in writing.  I refuse to fly for the duration.  It's all good, through toughlove.  I have to stick to this or my unpretentiousness messes them all up.  I have to live in as much of the truth as I huwomanly can to survive.  Surf vive.  :)  This is it and I get that and try to be Just grateful.

Two girls.  Wisdom Teeth.  The demonic destruction by Darth Vader and the Stoopid Elf and co for the insurance Twin Towers.  Gahd.  Trump Card Check Mate.  Jezuz Davinci.  Is that code??  Ferguson.  OMG.  Coolness!  Scary and cool at the same time.  With all the joy.  Eyes open.  Sheilds Up.  As much as possible going forward.  

'The Professor they used to call DudeZ0 in his home town of NH, Manchestah's first son, birth records sealed that year in by the church and especially doctor who maimed the child drunkenly that New Year's Eve night before he was first born by the young mother...  Poor kid they've been gangstalking him from before birth as well just like me.  I hate to admit we are not all that alone that way and THAT MUST END so be it so it is.  Anywho.  I was in that room that used to be occupied occasionally by the former woman Terrora of the Death Club.  Probably not a good idea but there is no choice. 

I am eternally grateful to him, believe me, despite our issues we are struggling to live with.  This is a huge sacrifice for this Amazing self made man who any who care should all owe a debt of gratitude for my life saved from the 31 Sunday debaucle.  His exes including the late (Terrora was the lying suicidal lifestyle=alcoholism and drugs transfering her father's abuse onto him, poor guy, just like the Wall family did to me.)  Sorry that is the truth of the past.  DudeZ0 and eye are in fact Twin Flames.  We must stay together at all times.  It is true.  It is part of the pact of  survival for the duration.  Despite both of our former demons that we grapple with.  We love each other very deeply despite them.  'These woods will grow to disarm us, -'kin.  I pray for us to learn to get along better living here in this land boat circa 1962. Co dependent.  Anyway.  Here comes the snow dump.

'Don't Let a Thief in Your Mouth to Steal Your Brain'

I will try hard now to join the crowd and recede among it.  Eye realises that the big picture is not about me at all, again I am but a pawn, serve or suffer with Neptune so prominent.  Yikes, and Hickory Dickory Dockery, Fe`!

Bee welle all one goode peoples!


Sept. 23 2015 Note: This was written a long time ago, got booted out of the health care system Halloween 2010.  I have become so sick from the medications to date that I can't get back on them - I have tried...If there were only some sincerely good research on meds/treatments that are not too prohibitively expensive for the average person...but sadly, and it's truly a CRIME:  Big Business, Big Pharma.


Early January 2019 update: The more years I achieve sobriety from those horrible drugs the more I get memory and some health back.  They caused me permanent damage.  More and more I realise how deadly those drugs are. I recently took some anti-anxiety medications and ended up hospitalized, not funny, no joke, and Never Again.  Personally, detoxing off them is a big part of survival. The medications are at the foundation of what causes (I conclude that it is a) syndrome that is labeled Bipolar Disorder.  There are many pretty good critical resources to explore if curious about what is a 'psychiatric survivor'.  There are many of us out there.
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This is the original post.  I forgot to mention that how sick one gets on those meds, for me it destroyed my gut, memory and caused permanent developmental disablement.  Not that I needed any more of that on my plate.

February 2007
I froze starting this post as I just had to change doctors and I haven't been documenting it clearly. I'll actually have to try to remember, oh no, not the 'r' word...

Lithium 900 mg = totally depressed, sick, went off immediately and have stayed off medication from 1978 to 1992. I had to start taking meds because I was struggling trying to go back to college, (getting sick and failing,) and had just become a shotgun stepmother to two profoundly behaviorally challenged kids in 1992. Have been hooked on them ever since. They actually helped me to learn how to begin alleviating much of the anxiety over the decades, with a lot of work. And getting blasted out of a bad marriage. - The second time it was a cd that blasted me out of hell, but that is another story.

Bipolar Medication History

I think they have me categorized as the non-specific bipolar. Or whatever it is.

In 1978 they put me on 900 mg lithium. I was so sick and so depressed that as soon as I got out of that first and only hospitalization (forced a month imprisonment) for that first acute psychotic manic episode. It was quite traumatic. I suppose I should describe how they use to treat us. I have no idea what they do now. They started with luring me to the hospital without telling me I'd be incarcerated fro a month. When I kept raving and wouldn't sleep they strapped me to a gurney and shooting my butt with 900 mg Thorazine - a lovely traumatic experience that helped keep me stubbornly out of looney bins ever since. I don't recall resisting the thorazine in the first place the bastards.

1978
Lithium = 900 mg for a 90 lb. 17 year old kid you've got to be kidding me - immediately upon release of hospitalization went off all meds.
Thorazine = you've got to be kidding me while in the hospital...
----------
1992 -
Stellazine for antipsychotic = knocked out for days. Did calm the psychotic symptoms but make me catatonic.
Zoloft = side effects didn't like it.
Wellbutrin - seems to be keeping me from slashing my wrists - it's a joke, ok? - have been on it from 1992 to date.
In attempting to avoid lithium, as it causes thyroid disorders, weight gain and most importantly for me, depression, I tried many of the anti-epileptic meds.
Tegretol = as soon as started taking it, rash all over body (no anaphylactic shock), emergency room.
Neurontin = after 9 months developed systemic reaction, which they thought was carpal tunnel. Had to wear wrist braces, numbness and pain from neck to hands, hands falling asleep, making it hard to rest, general feeling terrible. Took another 9 months to feel 'normal' again.
Depakote = was fine, except after several years developed huge extremely painful sores in mouth that were large and lasted a month. As soon as they would go away, more would show up. Turned out a dental hygenist (thank god) looked up Depakote and Wellbutrin and they both can cause these miserable mouth sores. Went back on lithium.
2006
Lamictal = tried it but made me very dizzy and nauseous daily even after a few months. Went back on lithium.
Was given Respideral but never tried it.
Abilify = have tried it before and didn't have reaction so will take that as needed for psychotic symptoms. For when I start feeling 'good'. Too happy, too productive, too much writing, too little sleep etc. It's great starting to get manic, it sucks when it goes too far.