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| Travis Phillip Wall 8/23/1984 - 9/2/2020 my ex-stepson was only 36 years old... |
I remember the unkind poster of mine I found telling you to stay out of my room and off my computer. Which never worked. Is it on an old computer? And old hard drive?
https://www.facebook.com/travis.wall.98
Ok I just found a some files. Then I copied it into the wrong place and it's still on the old hard drive. I can't even. I gotta let this go.
Ironically, of course -- something came up that is bringing your memory back and it's difficult. I'm doing the 12 steps in AA. Was on step 6. April Fool's 2026 was my 8th year no alcohol. I wanted my sponsor to present me a triskelion I had but she didn't want to. She wanted me to change my sobriety date to my no weed date: 8/31/2023. I wanted to keep 4/1, and even tho am willing to forfeit 6 years and 4 monthy total sobriety to have this last 4/1 date become my 2nd year total sobriety, she wasn't having it citing egoism and deceit on my part. She fired me! OUCH. From my perspective it is neither. It's simply wanting to keep a symbolic date and avoid the symbolism and pain surrounding 8/31/2023. So this bummed me out for a day. I still haven't celebrated in any of the rooms.
I'm going to my weekly We AAgnostics meeting tonight. With my dear friend and now ex-sponsor. Awkward. I haven't talked about it at all to anyone in the rooms. I don't want my sharing to be uncomfortable for her. She is much more like a daughter to me than your sister, who won't speak to me anymore. Your sister says you committed suicide. I don't buy that. It could have been accidental heroin overdose, happens all the time.
Yesterday was Easter Sunday. I had a coffee at coffee hour with neighbors and woke up last night at midnight, unable to fall back asleep until 4 am. No more coffee for me!
Well I'll be adding to this from time to time. I trust you are much happier in spirit.
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| I loved him even though he Showed...absolutely no respect for me bur I know you loved me back, just all twisted up and not able to show it much usually. It's ok Travis. It's all gonna be ok. You're ok nah. It's us that have to suffer with you gone. Survivors. Aways a survivor...never a... |
When I was homeless in 2022, suddenly moved to a new city, no car (everyone was telling me either not to go or that I needed to buy a car or that no one else had done that) #19 kept showing up. Upside down it was 61, another important number to me. That 19 was you. Protecting me. For once. I was 61 years old, born in 1961.
8/23/2026: Since I have no one to grieve your loss with, except my beloved yet long distance friend J.L., I will be back here from time to time. I miss you. I wanted to be your step mom forever. Everything went FUBAR, sideways, blue up in my face as usual. I will never live it down. I hope you are at peace. I often remember how fucking wonderful you were. Mom still has fond memories of you stealing her Grand AM, etc. We will always love you, Travis. I also feel your presence, a kind, funny, so smart, sardonic yet strangely protective memory of you. Still making fun of me but now with a difference...I don't know, not pissed. So confusing. Get. Some. Rest. I still hear you. I remember you smiling with a mouthful of braces...I'm so sad. Yet another aggregious loss of Men in my life, ripped away from me so...rudely. That shit ends here and now. So be it, and so it is. Thank you Universe~I love you too!
Later, Trav Cat
∃ᛉπ~♬♪♥∞☮★ <^>_ :| ~ ᛉ ∃ᛉπ~♬♪♥∞☮★ <^>_ :| ~ ᛉ ∃ᛉπ~♬♪♥∞☮★ <^>_ :| ~ ᛉ
It's Later, Nah. 9/6/2026
As per fucking usual. Dyslexia (w/astygmatism assist) strikes again. I was dreading today, 9/6/2026 mixing up the numbers again like I always do unless they are in writing up in my face, and I can double check. Also 05:58 my brain works so much better in the mourn. Uh...I mean morn. ing. Mother fucker! Anyway. So. The moon is also in Cancer which reminds me I gotta call Momz. Shit. I have not been able to call her Trav, because of guilt. Talked quick the other day to tell her I was too exhausted to talk. See, she getting...forgetful...and she remembers much better at night. G. Brodadz also works nights, see now? so he can take her to the docs and do the do for EVERYTHING for her (them) to eat and her endless Rx T-Rex and docs and...gahd zooks. Thank god for Gary.
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