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| out of body photo |
Here again, babbling to myself in the corner indulging in my dear diary. When will I learn? All the time. My birth/childhood is OVER, everything is OK now, it is all is far away now. I have survived, it's gonna be alright, come out of that OAK TREE and be in NOW. 'Heal Oneself.' I'm blessed with life. Yup, and nobody cares, so get over myself already. Writing makes sense, the serenity found within, despite the mind f*ck tornado we MUST become aware of...
The ever-changing personalities complete with accents from different placesthat come and go through me during the seasons, complete with different accents from the many places from moving around throughout. No wonder I isolate. To protect others from my own fear of being so weird. I'm afraid to love my life now, for fear of it being ripped away again in these stupid 'tornadoes. The more 'i isolate, the weirder eye be (but it 'feels better.)
OOB
It is impossible to find words for this. was i 18? Anyway, ...Is it human ?nature? to look for 'order' or 'pattern' or is it ? 'training' or 'mind control' throughout the eons. Without pattern, or structure, a free-fall (experienced once as a kid, in a spontaneous out-of-body experience, trying to escape earth,) proved in fact that losing one's soul in space even more terrifying that the agony perpetrated here on humans. There was no light, or love to help at that time, (shooting through time in space to get the hell away from here) just a seemingly endless and extremely fast ?rocketing' into the universe. There was a presence, sort of neutral, (?amused) letting me go ahed, experience 'leaving the planet' 'i' was so desperate to escape. It kind of laughed at ?'me' When realising that 'i' would lose my way back, (to earth) and 'my spirit stopped, still for a moment, not recognizing 'our universe'. Realising 'i would be lost, a terror set in or sorts, of becoming a lost alone soul zooming through space forever...^ so reluctantly traced the light thread/trail ('my ?soul/?spirit) had created by trying to leave, (unbenownst to 'me) back to the dam*ed body I hated, [tail between legs, whimpering like a pup] - this soul at this time had to reside 'here (on this planet) by force, it was not free will. there was no choice perceived. Was this amused 'presence' protective or control. It was not omnipresent, it was just a ?guide of sorts, or ?accompaniment, temporary or otherwize. When I imagine spirit now, there is no form, it is just a force ('light? 'love?) of protection? Inclusive of all souls? Just don't know. In my ignorance, guess 'fractals' are patterns of (depicted often in art as infinite patterns of beautiful colors, shapes etc. that expand outward) Are they finite, I think not. They are usually depicted within a circle, which is apparently infinite.
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