The years of holding it in

I draw strength from you, lady up there in french blue
warrior woman,

nano

The years of trying to hold it in take a psychic toll on a human

it’s who one is and what is wanted that go hand-in-hand

with

I’M DAMNED BIPOLAR, OKAY?

You just can't say
but postal won't ever do
give my soul music now!!!!!!!yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh my god

the fact that the story of back in the day is sordid and soapy

a stupid young couple all impulsive and dopey

boring depression had it’s ugly grip on all three of us kids

with illnesses that screwed up the startup of whatever we did

bearing down on all three

and the life's blood threatening on the one beautiful young woman

little sister

fear surrounds the coming task of hearing the rest of the word

and that it came out two days before just as Ayliagsh had done two days before, into the wild.

The mind is still spinning, the depression and bipolar is beginning, I feel the symptoms of mania coming on. Dose up with pills, summon up will, fight with all might the potential ill.

Fight it off - will be winning

No longer in denial, don’t care if I fall in the pile, of shit that comes with who I am

Whatever it takes fight off the disease, trying to stave off disruptive bedlam

The effort of control

To seize my mind in the tornado

And keep it battened down

it is possible…

new song Hard Sun

debue'd two days after you took yourself away from us

Gut tied in knots, waves of nausea, try by sighing the pressure and pain from my sternum

Clenched in my gut, this can’t have happened. Ayliagsh can’t be gone. It’s too sad.

Ayliagsh, your blood disease, TTP, threaghtened your life every day.

Nightmare, it has to be, wake up now, my god

Totem Animals

Beautiful Ilya, Amy, Your Just Spirit and Legacy

You Ilya, such a sweet, beautiful, intelligent, hard-working, ...words are just empty to describe how much you are loved forever. A better soul than most. Honor and respect with,for,younameit, you, Ayliagsh, always and forever. You will never ever be forgotten.


Every day, every step with will hands raised to the Universe and back, and hope to pay homage to your strength and spirit. Never mind love and beautiful memories.  You overcame so much your whole life...with adorable elegance, determination and lots of hard work.


With profound sadness waving through a protective numbness saving more roller-coaster rides for the years to come, I love you with my heart and soul.

Ilya Amanda Georgiana Schipoijnakov Hoffman 1962-2007

Ilya, a.k.a. Amy, the Cape, 1980s

She Wore a Raspberry Beret...
https://msdiagnosed.blogspot.com/2016/09/she-wore-raspberry-beret.html

Ilya
https://msdiagnosed.blogspot.com/2014/09/ilya.html

Morris Novelty Trick or Treat
https://msdiagnosed.blogspot.com/2018/10/morris-novelty-trick-or-treat.html

Ilya Amanda Georgiana Schipoijnakov Hoffman 1962-2007 NORTHAMPTON - Ilya "Amy" Hoffman, 44, of 16 Fort Hill Ter., died Sunday Sept. 16 in Northampton. Born in Cambridge, MA Nov. 19, 1962, she was the daughter of Sheila (Karklin) Hoffman and the late Abbie Hoffman. She was educated in the Cambridge area and was a 1981 graduate of Cambridge Rindge and Latin High School. She received a Bachelor of Arts from Hampshire College and a Jurors Doctorate from Western New England College in 1993. Ilya worked for the Dept. of Youth Services, dedicating many years (almost two decades) to supporting young people. Her professional colleagues at DYS were also dear friends. Attorney Hoffman recently took a position with the Committee for Public Counsel Services as a public defender in the Springfield Office. She was a member of the Board of Directors of the Rosenburg Fund for Children. Those who knew Ilya and loved her will remember the great love she gave to her family and friends. Ilya had a unique sense of style and grace. She loved to travel, she loved the sunshine, the ocean, and the beauty of the earth. Ilya was a talented artist and photographer as well as having a passion for music. Ilya loved animals and was an accomplished equestrian. On her wedding day at the Wistariahurst Mansion in Holyoke, she arrived on horseback to meet her groom at the altar. Ilya is survived by her mother Sheila, her husband Eric Olsson, her son Addison, her brothers Andrew Hoffman and america Hoffman, her step-mother Johanna Lawrenson and many dear friends. A Memorial Service will be held on Sunday, Sept. 23rd at 2 p.m. in Lyman Hall, 129 Main St., Northampton. Memorial Donations may be made to Arise for Social Justice, 94 Rifle St., Springfield, MA 01105, Arise@riseup.net. Ahearn Funeral Home (413)587-0044
Published in The Republican on Sep. 20, 2007. 

Into the Wild, Released

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Into_the_Wild_(soundtrack)
released, Sept. 17, 2007