∃volve is L♥ve, Sp∃lled Backwards ∃π~♬♪♥∞☮★☄|☄★☮∞♥♪♬~π∃

∃volve is L♥ve, Sp∃lled Backwards ∃π~♬♪♥∞☮★☄|☄★☮∞♥♪♬~π∃
Can you see the ouroboros...?

Saturday, April 19, 2014


Like many, (i've hoped for) keep expecting 'some-thing' (one thing---positive transformative evolution) to 'happen' 12/21/12, but most of us do not recognize that huge shifts transpire over time, and are not simply one event, on one date, one time, one aspect. They are (change is) the culmination of many events of a duration. Around this date (e.g. 12/21/12) we have been going through continual huge upheavals in these times. Just like the astrological event we are experiencing now, a Grand Cardinal Cross culmitating 4/23 at 13 (critical) degrees, 5th of 7 Pluto/Uranus squares between 2012 and 2015 -- we may naively expect 'some-thing' to happen on a given date or time, but evolution doesn't work that way. These influences happen over time and manifest subtly and cumulatively in ways we humans don't always expect or instantly recognize while we 'are in it'. It is easier to see things manifest over time in retrospect. In the last several years however, more and more humans are beginning to take their heads out of the sand and realise that we are on the edge of a cliff, the end of humanity as we know it. Either they are being forced through financial crisis or war, or they are evolving through more gentle means. Agenda 21 - we are being slowly yet overtly exterminated so the few can profit. Climate change, geo-engineering & environmental degredation, and GMOs and Rx are the tip of that iceberg. 'The door opens.' This 'event' is not one thing,  a process involving many events, over a chunk of time. in5d news - the entire page at any given date lately is a good example of a snapshot of seemingly many things happening at once, parts of a whole transpiring over time. 'Click', the door handle turns...Yes, won't it be wonderful when we all finally 'get it - collectively' and become united in freedom from parasitic oppression and onward in peaceful stewardship? The long creaaak of the swinging door opening...anticipation of the thump of the door opening at its widest...we find ourselves at a time where Amy Goodman's War & Peace Report on DemocracyNow! is increasingly unfolding more Peace than War...
Comment inspired by A Door Is About To Open, by Gregg Prescott, in5d.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

On Suicide, Oh No, No, No

Just don't do it.  Please. Feelings like that usually pass...they come and they GO. So what if they come back again, they will GO away again.

I've always struggled with suicidal thoughts, wishes, desires.  Ahh, to just obliterate myself from ever existing, except I always thought it was so wrong to do if it would affect anyone whatsoever.  My friend.  My kitty cat.  My family, even if they do hate me.  The last psychiatric prescriber I had for any length of time (2 or 3 years) would see me about once a month. The list of questions for me each visit was usually the same. How are you from a 1-10 scale? The depression? The mania? Are you still avoiding social interaction? The nausea? The anxiety? (Chest pains, dizziness, a feeling of weight on my chest making it hard to breath, terrors, palpitations, crazy compulsions - usually to run and hide) Any suicidal thoughts?...

I only told them (her) a tiny slice of what I was going through. I didn't want to get forced into hospitalization, or be pressured to take more meds.  They made me more suicidal than I already was. Even with all the pills I took either on a regular basis (antidepressant and mood stabiliser) or as needed (PRN) anti anxiety pills, sleeping pills. I tried to avoid taking anything all the time as it made me so sick and dizzy, out-of-it and with no memory. The pills totally obliterated my memory.  They also escalated the suicidal 'ideation'.  But they made me feel like even though I had to keep all that s*&t secret to myself and not tell anybody, it made me feel like it gave me the right to live around society, even if I was not a part of it.