To Whom it May Concern, and Pandora, in the Future:
I am now well. Despite the insanity in the world, I am ok.
But when I go through a serious depression, everything feels impossible. Even a shower feels like climbing a mountain. Food? No. Isolation and a fugue state envelope me. I'm trapped in a body/mind that can not fully function and dreams of taking its last breath. //Please note, I absolutely refuse to take my own life because I have so many people I love//. All I want to do is sleep, if I can. I'll lose way too much weight. The slightest task seems gargantuan. I suffocate in sadness.
Luckily, I have no desire to drink alcohol or do drugs, I am blessed this way, but I used to run the bottle, rolling papers and mother's little helper.
So here is a Note to Whoever, and to Self, a to-do list to remind in fact we will get well again. Forcing your self to function is key. The Universe does, in fact love you.
- Your. Strength. Will. Return.
- get outside every day. wear sunglasses if you can't stop crying
- avoid the toxic news
- qigong - even just 5 minutes
- yoga nidra @ night during insomnia
- support groups and AA
- read uplifting books
- soothing music
- showers
- remember I am loved
- supplements and nutrition - eat healthy
- push through chores, bills, work
- comedy, e.g. Beastie Boys music videos
- write
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| the late, great, sweetest Bella, my beloved hen |
