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| image credit |
http://naturalsociety.com/4-foods-fight-depression/
in a perfect world...
Depression is the worst. It's a killer. I was lost. Lost job, home, car, health and insurance, what little family, self-respect, independence...I'm So Sorry
Writers' Block: U No, I pulled down those years worth of the psychotic poetry, intending to edit and re-publish. It was all up there, good, bad, ugly, a manic personal insomniac diary, unedited and disorganized, and thrown into the sky. Because I grew to feel irresponsible, especially with the older depression/suicide poetry still out there. (Yes, and psychiatric meds often have increased suicidal thoughts as a side effect.) And my life had been pretty f**cked up. Much of the writing was very childlike and naïve, all of it rushed through. I had to make sure it was respectful.
The Real World? That writing saved my life. I O U.
Some of the writing is good, and brought me a quiet secret (and not) joy. But it originated through being terribly lonely and alone in the 'real world', and surrendering to stay so for the duration. (Pretty hopeless at making friends, too.) And so I turned to music, in love with music, through strong creative imagination. I made (intangible) 'friends.' It saved my life, and was powerfully beautiful.
Now I am totally stuck with a big ugly unpublished web, trying to edit totally disorganized psychotic writing and being embarrassed of a lot of it's parts. I'm working on it but it has been painfully slow.
I am saved. I escaped homelessness. I am still alive. Grateful 2 B.
But I am lost to write new material. When I am inspired is mainly during the dreaded insomnia: I now have to be respectful, suffer quietly squelching inspiration to get back to sleep or the cat and 5 dogs wake up the good man who took me under his wing. I have survived. I am struggling.
